|Posted by kaylagracedavis on December 19, 2013 at 1:40 PM||comments (0)|
I can not believe this is the fifth Christmas without you. I can remember that first year like it was yesterday. I am now (or soon to be) blessed with your two sisters. A vibrant, active, strong willed two and a half year old and just a couple weeks away from delivering a new baby girl. Which should be enough, right? Why do I not feel that way? Why can I not be satisfied? Be Happy? But the truth is Christmas is about family and mine is and always will be incomplete, you will never be here with us and I just can not come to terms with that. The difference between now and then is now its not a constant all consuming desperate grief. Its a hrad day, or week with breathers in between. I love you and that is why I hurt. I miss you and that will never go away. I am learning to accept my life the way it is and I hope to allow your sisters a way to know their oldest sister even if not in the traditional way.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on November 25, 2012 at 7:15 AM||comments (0)|
Three years!!!! I can hardly believe its been three years. Baby girl I've been through the photos and your tiny little clothes, how I long to hold you once more. I love you my sweet angel.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on November 18, 2012 at 9:10 PM||comments (0)|
Baby girl I wanna spend this week before your third birthday being thankful, remembering you; although I wish more publicly, I loved seeing your picture on the screen today, every time it passed I wanted to stand up and yell thats my baby girl. I like keeping thoughts and memories of you happy and with those who can appreciate their beauty. Today I felt like people recognized us...mother and daughter....seeing you on the screen and seeing me in person and seeing the favor...you look like me.
Thank you for making me a mother and showing/teaching me what pure....unconditional love is. I love you baby girl and I love that you are now a sissy, kisses to you my beautiful angel.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on July 29, 2012 at 10:05 AM||comments (0)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on July 7, 2012 at 12:35 AM||comments (0)|
by: Edgar A. Guest
I'll lend you for a little time
a child of mine, He said,
for you to love - while she lives
and mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years
or twenty-two or three,
but will you, 'till I call her back,
take care of her for Me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
and should this stay be brief
you'll have her lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked this world over
in search for teachers true,
and from the throngs that crowd life lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love,
not think the labor in vain,
Nor Hate me when I come to call
to take her back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
Dear Lord, thy will be done,
for all joy thy child shall bring,
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness,
we'll love her while we may,
and for the happiness we've known,
forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for her
much sooner than we've planned,
we'll brave the bitter grief that comes
and try to understand.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on June 22, 2012 at 2:50 PM||comments (0)|
A love note slips out of my subconscious…
My heart belongs to you. You have it without my will. You have me in true love with you. I long for the time where we’re together at last, but I’ll try to enjoy this in between. I’ll love you to my death, as I loved you to yours, and forever and ever after that.
I’ll meet you on the other side. I promise I’ll be there, but we’ll both have to wait patiently. I love your mid night visits in my dreams, as you rest on my chest. I’ll see you soon my baby boy.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on June 8, 2012 at 10:45 AM||comments (0)|
So your baby sister is 1, I am still amazed that she came home to live with us, and has stayed a whole year. What an amazing personality she has, people always comment that she must have an older sibling in the house. Which hurts my heart, but she often stares at the ceiling and waves, I wonder if she is saying hi to you, I do hope you are able to have a relationship with her. Her party was a great success, everyone had a good time. How I longed to see you playing with the other 2-3 year olds, running around, playing in the ball pt. They say time flys, although I don't feel that, time has been slow for me. I long for the day we can all 4 be together as a family. Miss you my dear.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on February 24, 2012 at 11:00 AM||comments (0)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on February 3, 2012 at 10:25 AM||comments (0)|
Is she your first? Such a simple question. Yet it still brings me so much stress, pain, and guilt. As the years pass, I am still figuring out how to fit my first daughters life and death into my life. But that question is still the hardest to answer. I never really get peace about what to say. I HATE not including her, feels like I am denying her or her existence. But there are times (more than I care to admit) that I feel myself saying yes, then hating myself for it.
This is the third valentines day I have decorated her grave. As Gabrielle grows (she just got her first teeth!) I long to have my whole family here, to celebrate Valentines day with both my daughters.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on December 22, 2011 at 9:30 AM||comments (0)|