|Posted by kaylagracedavis on December 19, 2013 at 1:40 PM|
I can not believe this is the fifth Christmas without you. I can remember that first year like it was yesterday. I am now (or soon to be) blessed with your two sisters. A vibrant, active, strong willed two and a half year old and just a couple weeks away from delivering a new baby girl. Which should be enough, right? Why do I not feel that way? Why can I not be satisfied? Be Happy? But the truth is Christmas is about family and mine is and always will be incomplete, you will never be here with us and I just can not come to terms with that. The difference between now and then is now its not a constant all consuming desperate grief. Its a hrad day, or week with breathers in between. I love you and that is why I hurt. I miss you and that will never go away. I am learning to accept my life the way it is and I hope to allow your sisters a way to know their oldest sister even if not in the traditional way.