|Posted by kaylagracedavis on November 29, 2011 at 1:40 PM||comments (0)|
My sweet little girl,
I can hardly believe its been two years since I held you in my arms. How I long for one more second with you. I imagine you running around, loving on your little sis and being so excited for Christmas. You are loved and missed so very much. I hope you liked your balloons, lantern and cupcakes. You are always in my heart, sweet girl.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on October 20, 2011 at 1:35 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on September 20, 2011 at 1:15 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on July 26, 2011 at 6:17 PM||comments (0)|
Today Gabrielle is 8 weeks, yesterday Kayla was (would have been, is?) 20 months. Having lost my first born I never got to see milestones met. I have this alternate reality where I have a 2 month old, 6 month old, 1 year old and so on. But other than seeing other kids that I figured (or knew) were about her age (which I did not do on purpose do to the pain it brought) I never knew what a 2 month old, 6 month old, 1 year old was like. Its hard raising my second daughter and knowing nothing about babies. I should know. Mothering my first born only required maintaing a grave site, picking out appropriate flowers for the month, keeping the marker clean, keeping the grass away from the edges (which Poppy takes care of), and keeping her memory alive. I miss my oldest (?) daughter.
Its odd milestones. Its one more thing to remind me how my reality is so much different than others. Some mothers are saddened by their children aging, reaching milestones I only wish I could have seen my angel reach. I have a picture frame that each month I add a picture of Gabrielle to, so I can see how much she changed in the first year it is in the room with all of Kaylas pictures. I am often told how much Gabrielle favors her father, and I feel that Kayla favored me. Each day in the room I am reminded that Kaylas face is permenant, fixed in a newborn state, I will never know how she would have changed and who she would have favored.
There is an undenable whole in me, in my family. In spite of that I have found happiness and I did not think that would ever again be possible in this life. I am learning that I will never fit back into my old life, my new life is where I belong. My life is very different than it was 20 months ago.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on July 21, 2011 at 2:48 PM||comments (0)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on July 17, 2011 at 3:34 PM||comments (0)|
Kayla is now a big sister.
Gabrielle Alyse was born 5-31-11 6lbs 9.5oz and 19.6 inches.
18 months apart such a perfect age seperation, they will just not grow up together the way I had envisioned. It will be a hard task but I hope to help Gabby appreciate her unique relationship with her sister and grow with her in her heart as I am learning to do.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on May 10, 2011 at 12:43 PM||comments (0)|
I am your mother, but you, my child, I cannot hold.
It'll get easier with time, or so I'm told.
People may forget that I am your mother.
I'm part of a secret club we only share with one another.
But that doesn't diminish my love for you.
I think of you the whole day through.
I wonder what you're doing, my Precious Little One.
We are connected by an infinite bond, which cannot come undone.
I will not let death tear us apart.
I promise to always keep you alive in my heart.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on April 15, 2011 at 4:27 PM||comments (0)|
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on February 23, 2011 at 8:18 AM||comments (1)|
|Posted by kaylagracedavis on January 26, 2011 at 2:14 PM||comments (0)|
"A mother's love for the child of her body differs essentially from all
other affection, and burns with so steady and clear a flame that it appears
like the one unchangeable thing in this earthly mutable life".
- W.H. Hudson